Finding my Online Voice: Who I am and What I Write About

I’m new to writing online.

I’ve always written for myself to sort through feelings. I’m the type of person who never knows how they feel until examination.

Good thing is, I enjoy reflecting. This has led me to write hundreds of thousands of words across a few different journals. Most of them were to help me get through tough times or process complex emotions I couldn’t understand.

What I’m finding as I write online is I want to be helpful and share stories or lessons I’ve learned.

I also want to be real.

I’m trying to find my voice amidst the advice.

My goal is to write as if journaling, but in a more advice-giving way.

I want to be myself.

I know I’d much rather hear from someone authentic. Why not do the same?

I guess this is my first attempt journaling in public. It’s scarier but seems more fulfilling.

I didn’t really have a point to this post when I first started typing.

However, I think this is a good place to share who I am with the world and what I’ll write about.

This will act as a time-capsule, crystalizing my desires, my hopes, and how I feel at the beginning of this whole writing online thing.

Who is Baer?

Me!

Baer is a PK (pastor’s kid) from Newport Beach, California. I grew up with non-denominational missionary parents. I grew up traveling.

We went to Rwanda, Fiji, Trinidad & Tobago, Mexico, India, and many other countries. My parents were humanitarian missionaries first and foremost. The goals were education and aid. This is something I appreciated. I have major qualms with missionaries who thump Bibles and help no one.

We went to some rough spots. Often, I found that impoverished individuals carried a pure joy which I rarely found in posh Newport. This got me thinking from a young age about what made people happy. What is the good life?

Clearly money wasn’t everything. Of course it is something, I won’t kid myself. Money invariably makes life easier for those who have it. The problem, or confusion in my young self, centered around the habits or attitudes which caused this pure joy. I saw some wealthy individuals with it. I saw many impoverished individuals with it.

I didn’t know it then, but these thoughts would stay with me long after. A curiosity was placed deep within me, is there a right way to live life?

This curiosity manifested in exploratory drug use throughout high school and into the first couple years of college.

I was safe in my exploration. I conducted research before attempting any new substance. I had boundaries. There are some substances one should never try.

I stuck primarily to psychedelics. I learned more during psychedelic experiences than any other. Whether what I learned was substantiated or not, I would always learn something about myself. I often went it alone and documented the effects in my journals.

My investigations ended with a radical experience on DMT. Without going into it, my life altered dramatically. I went through psychological hell for around half a year. I do not recommend it.

Depersonalization and Derealization became constant companions. I dug my way out the first time through faith. It worked. The second time (which I’ll discuss in another post), I dug my way out through psychology and learning how to direct my thoughts.

I committed my life to faith for the following three years. I gave up everything and became ascetic. I denied myself anything which I saw as a hindrance to my connection with God. I gave up meat, dating, alcohol, drugs, and sugar. I even fasted every Monday and Tuesday for over a year.

I learned healthier habits. I developed a discipline I hadn’t known prior.

I gave up drugs entirely and found better ways to explore my curiosities. I read more, wrote more, and became stringent on the influences I allowed into my life.

My search for this pure joy became an obsession. It was during this time that I committed to Philosophy and Psychology as my majors. I knew I’d find answers through people and how we think.

I applied what I learned to my pursuit of pure joy.

Regarding my faith, I hopped from denomination to denomination. Each one lacked the coherent worldview I sought. This wasn’t inherently a problem since religion is built on “faith” and I was alright with that.

What I could never reconcile was the incoherence of ethics. It’ll suffice to say, I had a “hell” problem. What do you do when you’re a devout Christian and have a “hell” problem? Personally, I decided to move to Birmingham, UK to take up an MA in Ethics and Philosophy of Religion.

My curiosity takes me places I would never dream.

I loved studying philosophy to such specificity. I pushed my thoughts further than ever before. I wanted to become an academic and study ethics and philosophy of religion for the rest of my life.

I applied and was accepted to a phd program at my uni. My would-be phd supervisors were two of my favorite professors. It seemed like a dream.

That was until one of my would-be supervisors requested a chat about my future in academia.

He warned me against it.

Philosophy is not well funded. There are too many Philosophy phds and too few positions. Unless I was the top 0.5%, which I wasn’t, I could expect little locational and financial stability for the following 10+ years of my life, and still not be guaranteed tenure.

Of course, I could risk it and hope for the best. This would require a sacrifice of dreams on the timeline I hoped for my life. I wanted to get married and have a family. I wanted to have enough financial security to give my future kids a great childhood. Would it be worth the risk?

I thought it over. If I didn’t take this path, what would I do instead? What allows me to employ logic but isn’t philosophy? And what would allow me locational and financial freedom in the process?

My answer came in the form of an ad: “University of Birmingham Coding Bootcamp”.

Coding ticked these boxes. Plus, I could do the bootcamp whilst finishing my dissertation.

I applied, was accepted, and spent the following 6 months becoming a full-stack web dev.

Upon finishing the bootcamp, I sold my car and used the proceeds to travel and soul search. How was I going to use my newfound skills? I could code as a career or as a means to achieve something else.

I chose the latter. I chose solopreneurship.

Solopreneurship allows me to utilize my knowledge of coding, writing, philosophy, and people. It is an avenue for my curiosity as I continue searching for pure joy. It forces me to continually learn and develop myself. It maintains my discipline. It allows me to create my own purpose. In brief, it checks all my boxes.

I have yet to answer the questions of my childhood. What I have found though, is that pure joy arises in “connection”. Connection with myself and others. Connection with myself is my compass, the needle pure joy. The more I’m connected with myself, the more depth and variety I experience in connection with others. The more I remain connected in general, the more pure joy I feel.

In retrospect, my compass has not let me down. By the end of my dissertation, I lost interest in philosophy of religion. The “hell” problem ceased, because I lost belief in it. Going into academia, it turns out, wasn’t the right path for now.

Instead, my compass guided me to solopreneurship. Solopreneurship stokes my connection through introspection, creation, and collaboration with others. It allows me to continue down the path of pure joy.

With much omitted, this is my story up ’til now.

It is for these reasons I write online.

I write to connect with myself; to connect with others.

I create to stay true to myself and find those who do the same.

What I Will Write About

All that being said. I think you could guess a few of the things I will write about.

At this point in my life, solopreneurship is undoubtedly at the forefront. I opt for the term “solopreneurship” over “entrepreneurship” because I find the former more personal.

I am alone in my business at the moment, so I do mean it literally. However, my hope is to retain the individuality of solopreneurship even if I hire employees in the future.

I want my brand to be an expansion of myself. I want it to amplify who I am whilst retaining who I am. I want to use it to interact and learn from more people than I am currently capable.

I never want my personal brand to become a soulless entity devoid of personality.

My goal is to connect with others who are guided by pure joy, so that I may learn from them and share in the process.

My subjects for writing center around this goal and will include discussion on the following:

• Books/Reading
• Finding “the good life”.
• Writing and creating in general.
• Ethics as applied to life and business.
• Where I find pure joy and how to find it for yourself.
• Connecting with others through language and travel.
• How to maintain connection with yourself and others.
• Solopreneurship and how to maintain your individuality in a brand.

Amidst these topics, I will incorporate philosophy and stories from my life and how these have led to the conclusions I draw.

If you relate to any of this, follow along. I would love to connect and learn from you whilst sharing myself along the way.